5e Modern Warlock Patron: The Retail Store
The Company
Your patron is The Retail Store. A nationwide business franchise that has dug its possibly ancient grasp into the roots of the nation you live in. In your darkest hour, you decided that any job would be better than none and donned the uniform.
You don't remember when you last clocked out.
Traits of the Employee
| d20 | Trait |
|---|---|
| 1 | You talk in a constant "Customer Service" voice. |
| 2 | You take inventory of your items constantly. |
| 3 | You greet fellow party members as if they were customers. |
| 4 | People around you hear classic, royalty free music. |
| 5 | You try your hardest to please those around you. |
| 6 | You constantly try to sell company promotions, even at horrendously inappropriate times. |
| 7 | You smile no matter what. |
| 8 | You're always slightly behind on pop culture. |
| 9 | You smell like cleaning chemicals. |
| 10 | You find it horribly painful to talk badly about your Employer. |
| 11 | You impulsively serve other people while in any location of commerce. |
| 12 | You are extremely hygienic. |
| 13 | Even when exhausted, your face looks as if it got a full night's rest. |
| 14 | You only consume Company Approved Foods and Drinks. |
| 15 | You smoke or drink when "on break". Only you know when you're on break. |
| 16 | You follow a rigid schedule, and feel agonized when you miss it. |
| 17 | You often talk about "getting a raise soon!" |
| 18 | Clothing or armor you wear will eventually don the logos of your company. |
| 19 | Your skin is gray and clammy. |
| 20 | You sometimes use company slogans during conversation. |
Expanded Spell List
| Spell Level | Spells |
|---|---|
| 1st | command, alarm |
| 2nd | calm emotions, aid |
| 3rd | create food and water, fast friends |
| 4th | fabricate, Mordenkainen's private sanctum |
| 5th | skill empowerment, Rary's telepathic bond |
Customer Service
Starting at 1st level, our industry standard training videos and seminars have given you the tools you need to succeed! You gain the mending cantrip and proficiency in the persuasion skill.
Team Spirit
Also starting at 1st level, customer satisfaction is a team effort! When you cast a 1st level or higher spell on a friendly creature, they gain temporary hit points equal to your warlock level plus your charisma modifier (minimum 1)
Safety Procedures
At 6th level, you have gone above and beyond in the world of customer service, and have been given special training on how to handle hazardous situations! Choose one of the three procedures.
Severe Weather: As an action, choose a number of friendly creatures you can see, up to your charisma modifier (minimum 1). You and said creatures gain advantage on Strength and Dexterity saving throws until the start of your next turn.
Spill Kit: You may cast dispel magic using this feature. The spell's level is equal to your warlock spell slot level. Additionally, when you cast this spell, a wet floor sign will appear on the location where you cast it. Friendly creatures within a 30ft radius of the wet floor sign ignore difficult terrain. This lasts for one minute.
Active Shooting: As a bonus action, choose a number of enemies up to your Charisma modifier (minimum 1) who are wielding firearms. Until the end of your next turn, and you have advantage on stealth and grapple checks against said enemies. Additionally, when you use this feature, you can use the dash, disengage, or hide action as a bonus action until the end of your next turn.
Once you use a safety procedure, you can't use it again until you've completed a short or long rest.
Could You Look In The Back?
Starting at 10th level, you understand just how deep and rich our impact is on this world, and how customer service is a 24/7 task!
As an action, you may choose to disappear into an extra-dimensional space called the Back for up to a minute. Upon returning, you obtain a nonmagical common item worth less than 250 gold.
In order to activate this ability, you must end your movement outside of the view of all creatures. (I.E. turning around a corner)
The item you take disappears when you finish a long rest.
Upon using this ability, your employer prevents you from taking anything out for 1d4 days.
I Am The Manager
At 14th level, you've been promoted! Congratulations. Now go out there and show how it's done!
As an action, choose a number of friendly creatures up to your charisma modifier (minimum 1) These creatures may use their reaction to make one attack. They have advantage on the attack roll.
Once you use this ability, you cannot use it again until you've completed a short or long rest.
Special Order
Also starting at 14th level, your ability to delve into the Back has been honed. You are now capable of obtaining uncommon and rare magic items.
You may choose to take either 1 rare magic item or 2 uncommon magic items out from the Back, at the DM's discretion. You cannot obtain another until the original items have been returned.
Like the previous version of this ability, any items you take out disappear upon finishing a long rest. Upon using this ability, your employer prevents you from taking anything out for 1d4 days.
Credits
This is unofficial Fan Content permitted under the Fan Content Policy. Not approved/endorsed by Wizards. Portions of the materials used are property of Wizards of the Coast. ©️Wizards of the Coast LLC.
Artwork by Rodrigo Idalino
Page stain by /u/flammableconcrete.
