Cans of Whoopass!
A JRPG inspired consumable item
About 30 years ago, a very idiosyncratic JRPG series appeared on handheld game consoles, back when both were in their infancy. It became the company's first game to sell over a million copies, and even the English-speaking world remembers this game. 30 years later, that series is still kicking, but like a lot of long-running media, some of the stranger stuff from early on fell by the wayside.
One memorable mechanic from the early games was the ability to buy martial arts as items. Every weapon in the game had strict durability, breaking after a set number of uses, and martial arts were no different. What set martial arts apart from other items was how its durability worked. Martial arts, strangely, did not use the attributes of the character who equipped them. Instead, they had a set damage value, and the amount of uses left on the item subtracted from the damage. The fewer uses left, the stronger the martial arts items became. In that way, it kind of simulated gaining mastery through practice.
Of course, it generated more questions than answers. What were you buying? Like, physically? It must have been something because it took up space in your inventory like a sword or machine would. Once you used up the item, where did it go? Why didn't your mastery carry over to the next item? When you bought a new martial arts item, you started from scratch every time.
As the series became more technically polished, characters who used martial arts abilities started operating more like something you'd expect to see in a modern RPG, but nothing was as memorable or intriguing as the silly system they started with. For a long time, I've wondered how this would possibly work in D&D, and this is my attempt to translate a strange piece of gaming history into a usable item.
How it works
- A Can of Whoopass looks like a drink can with a modern, stay-on tab. You activate it by popping it open, and over the next 30 seconds (5 rounds) it slowly closes and reseals itself. When it runs out of charges, it stays open and implodes, as if it were crushed by a giant invisible hand.
- The cans feel heavy when they're closed and sealed, but when opened, there's nothing inside and they become as light as an empty can.
- Upon opening, a blast of a odorless vapor goes comes out, and the attuned user feels something go up their nose, no matter where the can is in relation to their face or if the user normally needs to breathe. A non-attuned user can not open the tab.
- Monks can not become attuned to Cans of Whoopass, but they can open an unattuned can. If they do, they smell whatever flavor the can is and feel effects as if they had inhaled ether. The can is open and unusable for an hour. After the hour is up, the monk feels slightly nauseous briefly, after which the can reseals with no change to its charges.
- Cans of Whoopass are rare and require attunement. If attunement with one is broken or changed, they implode as if they had run out of charges. Only the one who first used the can benefit from the increased effects of losing charges.
- Using one requires a bonus action, and you use your action on that turn or next turn to gain its benefits. Some cans grant abilities that require both your action and your bonus reaction, and those cans can only be used on the turn after you opened them. It affects your mind via enchantment magic. The item gives you skills and compels you to use them. On the turn you use the Can of Whoopass, you can not attack an enemy with any other method.
- Each can has 20 charges. After opening the can with a bonus action, it loses 1 charge. For the attack you make on the turn you use the can, your effective class level equals the number of missing charges. So after the 1st use of the can, you attack as a level 1 character, but after the 20th use, you attack as a level 20 character. You gain all the benefits of that class level for that attack. For example, if a can gives you monk abilities, you gain the benefits of the extra attack class feature starting on the fifth charge.
List of Cans
Punch
This can allows you to make an unarmed attack followed by a stunning strike as a monk of the effective class level. Your modifier for the damage is your Dexterity. To a monk, it smells like a mixture of fruits.
Kick
This can allows you to make an unarmed attack followed by a stunning strike as a monk of your effective class level. Your modifier for the damage is your Strength. To a monk, it smells like coffee.
Triple Strike
This can must be used on the turn after it is opened, not during. You can make an unarmed attack with either Strength or Dexterity as your modifier as a monk of your effective level, and for your bonus action, you make two extra unarmed attacks as if you were using flurry of blows. To a monk, it smells like dulce de leche.
Jumping Knee Kick
This can must be used on the turn after it is opened, not during. On the turn it takes effect, you use your action to attack like a monk of the effective level, and on your bonus action, you can move as if you were using step of the wind. To a monk, it smells like hickory.
Mountain Storm Throw
This can must be used on the turn after it is opened, not during. On the turn it takes effect, you use your action to shove an enemy and knock them down if successful, and during your bonus action, you attack them with two unarmed attacks as if using flurry of blows, all with the competency of a monk of your effective class level. The unarmed attacks use Strength as your ability modifier. To a monk, this can smells like petrichor.
Hell Wheel Throw
This can must be used on the turn after it is opened, not during. On the turn it takes effect, you use your action to shove an enemy and knock them down if successful, and during your bonus action, you attack them with two unarmed attacks as if using flurry of blows, all with the competency of a monk of your effective class level. The unarmed attacks use Dexterity as your ability modifier. To a monk, this can smells like sulfur.
Cross Counter
When you use this can, you use your action to ready an unarmed attack against the next creature that attacks you in melee, as long as their reach doesn't exceed yours. If your readied attack hits, it does double damage, and the enemy must save against stunning strike, with a DC as if you were a monk of your effective level, before they can attack you. To a monk, this can smells like sweat.